


Not Okay

by blazedveggies556



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Neutral Route, Snowdin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazedveggies556/pseuds/blazedveggies556
Summary: In the aftermath of the human's betrayal, Undyne is not okay.
Relationships: Papyrus & Undyne (Undertale)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Not Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! I finally got a story out here again. So happy I finished something. If you'd like to read my little blurb on the process of writing this story, continue to the author's note at the bottom of this page! Otherwise, please enjoy! :D

  
“ _HEY!!! HUMAN!!!_ ”  


  
“ _HOW ARE YOU DOING? I’M DOING FINE!!!_ ”  


  
“ _WELL, BESIDES ONE THING…_ ”  


  
“ _THE QUEEN DISBANDED THE ROYAL GUARD. SINCE WE DON’T HAVE TO FIGHT HUMANS ANYMORE._ ”  


  
“ _WOW!!!_ ”  


  
“ _I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE._ ”  


  
“ _BUT, THAT’S OKAY! BECAUSE I’M STILL WORKING HARD! EVEN IF IT’S ON NOTHING AT ALL!_ ”  


  
“ _SO DON’T FEEL BAD! PAPYRUS IS FINE!_ ”  


  
“ _UNDYNE IS THE ONE THAT’S GOT IT BAD!_ ”  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
The haze of a restless sleep hung heavy in her head as a guest that found its stay extending every visit. Her bleary vision swirled in lazy circles and fell over her eye like the film of a frosted window. Her heavy eyelid opened after a moment, though consciousness lagged behind in the cool darkness of Waterfall. The shadows that dripped from the lumps scattered throughout the green landscape before her were like the water droplets that dewed his beard and swung like little bells off his horns when he chuckled.  


  
_“This umbrella is much too small for me! But how ‘bout I hold it over you? So you can have two umbrellas? Ho ho ho!”_  


  
Undyne clung tighter to the blanket curled around her body when a chill ran up her spine. Either due to a stray piece of the bitter wind that slipped through the cracks while the rest knocked at the door or a single raindrop that dared to fall from the cloud above her. She welcomed neither.  


  
She groaned as the last bits of fuzz cleared from her head, not happy that she was awake but too tired to fall back asleep. She pressed her face against lumpy cloth, smothering herself with the smell of her own sweat and the foam and lost metal that hid underneath her. Her pillow cowered in a far corner, slumped over after a fit she threw in her slumber, but it had given more use as a punching bag than a comfort, her muscles and joints aching long before she settled down for the night.  


  
The persistent beeping of her phone alarm echoed hollowly off the same dark red walls that vied for space in her line of vision every waking moment. In prior days, the first tone would not have sounded before the prestigious Captain of the Royal Guard was up and annihilating her breakfast, thrashing her training dummy, and scrubbing down her armor until her people could see themselves in it, see themselves being carried on her back and shoulders and know and find hope in knowing that they were in strong, capable hands. And the very shine off her breastplate would strike fear into the hearts of her enemies, their reflection a judgment before they met their match.  


  
But those were memories, one part of a fog that could disappear with even one misplaced whisper.  


  
Two rings became three rings, three became four, until it became unclear how much time had passed since the first. Not long enough for the phone’s battery to die out but long enough for the alarm’s vibrations to push the phone off the edge of the end table and send it clattering to the floor.  


  
But the sudden noise did not startle her. The alarm kept ringing. It would have eventually become a harmless, mindless noise that faded into the silent background, but its insistence became an irritant when Undyne recognized the noise as almost familiar, as if she was sitting close by, testing out that old stylophone she had found at the dump.  


  
_“Oh! Oh! I-I think I almost got it! If I can get this working, then we can do a retro cover of that theme song— I-I m-m-mean. Um, d-do a reenactment of the music of th-that historical document about th-th-those kids in that s-superhero school. Ehehehe… um. What do you think, Undyne? Won’t that be fun?”_  


  
Undyne could not remember how she responded. It was too hard to think when her body was trembling so hard. That silence behind the rings taunted her, as if it were only there to fill the gaps while she waited for Undyne’s reply. As if Undyne only had to look up and acknowledge her as she persistently pressed that same tired note.  


  
The truth sat like a rock on her heart, the lie she tried to feed herself was still too bitter to swallow, and the thought that both could be watching her from up there, seeing her in such a state, only twisted the knife in her back. She forced her shoulders to relax and spread out her hands, grounding herself with the feeling of the scratchy cloth sliding under her fingertips. The fire that had roared and billowed in her chest that was her drive and passion was no bigger than an ember now, its sparks just enough to slide her arm towards the edge and hang it over the couch.  


  
She patted the carpet, trying to feel out the vibrations to navigate her way to her phone. She groaned. It still seemed too far for her to reach. She was about to settle on spending the rest of the day on the couch until her phone seemed to pop into her hand, the cold case a bit of a shock to her warm palm, even more of a shock than the voice that popped in with it.  


  
“HERE! I’LL GET THAT FOR YOU!”  


  
“Thanks,” she mumbled, more a reflex than complete awareness of what she heard until it clicked that she was not alone. A yelp barely escaped her mouth before it was suppressed by annoyance and tired hands that ran down her face at the sight of those ivory slabs forming that familiar smile.  


  
“Geez! Papyrus! What… how long have you been standing there???”  


  
“YOU MEAN IN THIS INSTANCE OR IN THE PAST SEVERAL HOURS?” the cheery skeleton asked. “IF WE’RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW, ONLY FOR A MINUTE OR TWO. I JUST LEFT REAL QUICK TO GET SOME SPACKLE. YOU KNOW. FOR THE HOLES!” Papyrus pointed a gloved finger at the couch. There beneath Undyne’s hands were small burrows where her nails had dug deep into the cushion, ten purposeless punctures lined in nearly perfect semi-circles. Displaced traces of stuffing still leapt up like lice even though her fingers were out. The couch was no stranger to trauma (evidenced by the bandages and duct tape that hugged its many seams), but Undyne still felt the need to cover up the accident with her hands even though Papyrus had already seen them. An apology was at the forefront of her mind, one that normally would have been given life in the form of a sheepish grin and a terse but well-meaning statement of frank remorse, but instead it remained as a thought. Undyne already knew how Papyrus would respond to it. With a great grin and an even greater excuse for her behavior. As always. So she only responded to him tersely.  


  
“You were watching me sleep for several hours?” The response came out more irritated than planned, but Papyrus was either oblivious to it or had simply come up with an excuse for her tone. As always.  


  
“WELL, MORE LIKE SEVERAL HOURS ALL TOGETHER,” he replied. “I WOULD HAVE STAYED CONSECUTIVELY BUT THAT INSUFFERABLE CANINE IS AS MUCH AN INSOMNIAC AS IT IS A NUISANCE! NORMALLY I’D ADMIRE A CREATURE WHO SHARES MY NON-SLEEPING HABITS BUT NOT WHEN IT DECIDES IT’D BE FUNNY TO STEAL MY VERY COOL ACTION FIGURES AND LINE THEM UP INTO A LIKENESS OF THE EIFFEL TOWER! AT LEAST, I THINK THAT’S WHAT IT WAS, WHATEVER THAT IS. THE DOG SPELLED IT OUT FOR ME WITH SOME LEFTOVER SPAGHETTI NOODLES. PERSONALLY, I WOULD’VE FOUND IT MUCH FUNNIER IF IT CONSTRUCTED THE MTT RESORT. ‘FAMILIARITY IS KEY TO A GOOD JOKE’! OR DID SANS SAY IRREGULARITY? MERRILY? OR AM I CONFUSING IT WITH THAT ONE SONG…?”  


  
Whatever interest Undyne had in Papyrus’ reason for hovering over her died with his rambling and the growing nausea in her stomach from the rays of enthusiasm that never quit shining. She used to take in every word that he said, his passion once so infectious, but these days were different. More than different. It felt as though time had cut her body out of the past and glued it to the present, dragging it across something like sandpaper, pieces of it tearing away with any small movement.  


  
Her eye drifted away from Papyrus, her brain tired of trying to listen. She diverted her attention to the screen in her hand, Papyrus’ voice becoming nothing but white noise.  


  
3:30 pm.  


  
She blinked a few times and looked again.  


  
3:31 pm.  


  
There was a slight pang of disbelief at the sight of those numbers scrawled across her phone. Morning had passed by without a word to its old friend and most of the afternoon had followed silently after. But the pang was brief, forced to leave by the swift hand of apathy. It was becoming swifter each day, making it easier to forget the passing of time.  


  
But it was hard to forget the obligation she made to Papyrus’ brother. Below the numbers in a bold, goofy font (how he set up his texts to look like that was beyond her) was his name and a preview of his message. She groaned, reluctantly tapping on it and unlocking her phone. His past messages flipped through her mind like a worn-out Rolodex of unwelcome puns, jokes, and the occasional special of his ‘dog stand as she prepared herself to add a new category of gripes with her tardiness, reserving a few hundred cards for good measure. A wry smile briefly distorted her face at memories of that skeleton slacking off at his station, her unbridled rage when she caught him, and the nonchalant response she would get in return. The irony made reading his message feel like moving through swampy waters, her weary eye simply scanning the screen from left to right, going from one line of text to another.  


  
Until it was only scanning the screen. The message was only two lines long— one line long if one considered the thickness of the bold font. She brought the phone closer to her and read the message more carefully:  


  
“heya. i’ve closed the ‘dog stand for today, so have the day off on me. relax a little.”  


  
7 am, on the dot. That is when he sent the message.  


  
Calm and devoid of humor. The tone confused her, her inner voice asking simple questions like ‘what?’ and ‘why?’. No reason for his message came to mind. At least, not in words. Only in sounds from last night. Something like lightning and static that only got louder as her nightmare wore on, the only remnants of it left that she remembered, along with the phantom of a cold sweat.  


  
And something like the shuffle of feet, not noticeable while she was asleep, but something her mind still caught. He had come down for one of his many late-night snacks, the first of that night. On any other night, the shuffling lasted half a minute, then paused as the sound of an open fridge abruptly stepped in with a partner of a rustling bag or two, then resumed once the fridge door closed, making its way up the stairs. All the while an unchanging tune zipped through his teeth, providing some semblance of a discordant melody to tie together the cacophonous rhythm, the pattern repeating through the night, making Undyne’s blood boil.  


  
But last night the shuffle was shorter and the pause much longer. In the throes of that nightmare, the shuffling was soft until it faded. It did not return.  


  
“… TO YOU!”  


  
“Huh?” Her mind snapped back too late to catch Papryus’ last sentence, but he simply repeated himself with a great smile and even greater vigor.  


  
“I WAS JUST SAYING THAT AFTER THAT WHOLE FIASCO, I FINALLY CAME BACK AND HAVE BEEN WAITING TO TALK TO YOU!”  


  
“‘Talk’? Um…” Undyne winced. The thought of conversation alone was physically and mentally draining. Talking about something pointless, listening about something pointless. That is what all conversations had been reduced to.  


  
And to talk to Papyrus specifically. It meant she would have to look into his eyes, those eyes that could see so much in their little, claustrophobic world, yet could see nothing of it at the same time.  


  
… One idea had been on her mind for a while. It had bobbed up and down inconsistently in the turbulent waters of consciousness for the past several months since the incident. Several months since she moved into the skeleton brothers’ house. The cloud had not lifted, nothing had changed, and everything reminded her of what happened. Company only made her squirm. And now the idea stayed afloat as her only lifesaver in uncertain territory.  


  
It was time to move on, swiftly and subtly so he would not have to know.  


  
“… I’d love to talk. But, uh…” She was off the couch in an instant, grabbing a duffle bag underneath it with the little belongings she had left, speaking with her back to him. “… but, uh. Gee. Can’t keep your brother waiting. Um. He just, uh, texted me saying that I’m really late and that’s he’s really in a bind. So many people today at his hot dog stand. So, uh. He needs me to get over to Hotland right away. Yeah…”  


  
Papyrus gasped. Even without looking at his face, Undyne could tell he was beaming. “MY BROTHER?? CARING SO MUCH ABOUT WORK ETHICS?? THAT IS SUCH GOOD NEWS!! I KNEW MY ROUSING SPEECH I GAVE TO HIM THE OTHER DAY WOULD KICK HIS SPIRITS INTO GEAR!” He happily watched as Undyne passed by him. “WELL, DON’T LET ME STAND IN THE WAY!” She was almost out the door. “WE’LL JUST TALK WHEN YOU GET BACK!”  


  
She froze. Her fingertips held onto the door’s frame, once ready to let go but now trembled as they held on tight to the polished wood. Undyne’s eye stared out into the snowy terrain with its fresh blanket of snow and passers-by that tread through it to simply greet their neighbor or carry out a daily chore. But Undyne only saw Papyrus with his feet deep in the snow, layers of snowflakes piling up on his scarf as he looked out towards Waterfall, his grin wavering. She was late coming back one day, bearing the brunt of one of her bad days that caused her to leave work early. Papyrus’ brother offered to walk her back to the house but she refused, resigning to a long walk alone in a heavy daze. And at the end of the journey, Papyrus was there, wasting no time in running to her when she came into view, shocking her worn body with a warm blanket he firmly wrapped around her shoulders and a cup of hot, slightly burned soup he placed in her hands. He supported her the rest of the way home in respectful silence.  


  
She was only fifteen minutes late. If she left without telling him…  


  
The wood was splintering under the pressure of her grip and her imagination. She sighed, letting go of the frame and turning to face him. She needed to tell him.  


  
“Yeah, um… about that, Papyrus. Uh…” She rubbed the back of her neck and found it hard to lock her eye with his. For the first time since she came to Snowdin, the cold air was no match for the heat emanating from her body. “… Look, I… I think I’m gonna head out.”  


  
“OH, I KNOW THAT!”  


  
Her brow furrowed and she looked up at him incredulously. “You… you do?” she asked, relief teasing her mind as she processed his cheery tone.  


  
“WE JUST DISCUSSED THIS! YOU’RE HEADING OUT TO WORK, SO I’LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT ‘TIL AFTER TO TALK TO YOU!”  


  
Undyne’s face fell. “No, Papyrus! I… ugh…” She closed the door and dropped her duffle bag, stepping in closer, attempting to remedy the gap in communication, something that was now so foreign to her. Even when she took a breath to clear her head and to come up with the right thing to say, she still stumbled over her words. “I’m leaving. I’m… I’m going to find somewhere else to stay.”  


  
Honesty made the sight of Papyrus deflating no less painful. That bright crescent moon of a smile dimmed under the shadow of the meteor that threatened to crush it. “‘LEAVING’…? ‘SOMEWHERE ELSE’…? BUT, UNDYNE—”  


  
“It’s not because of you guys!” she tried to clarify. “I mean, it’s been… nice having somewhere familiar to stay, and thanks for everything, but it’s just… I’d rather stay someplace where I can be alone.” The vibrant yellow of her eye had been slowly fading these past months. Talking to him dulled it to a near gray as she pleaded. “I know you don’t really get it. I don’t think you’ll ever _really_ get it, but please _try_ to understand. I just need some space to myself…”  


  
Before the silence had time to rest, she picked up her things and headed once more towards the door. “I’ll still be working for your brother, and I’ll… I’ll come and visit once in a while, so… I’ll still see you around.”  


  
But he reached out to her before she could open the door. “NO, UNDYNE! PLEASE WAIT!”  


  
She sighed. “Papyrus… don’t make this harder than it already is.”  


  
“IT’LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE OF YOUR TIME!” he assured her. “JUST… JUST WAIT HERE, PLEASE! I’LL… I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!!” He bounded up the stairs, looking back only once before he swung open his bedroom door.  


  
Undyne clenched her fists, a spark of anger making her eye twitch. “Papyrus!!”  


  
He was already out of his room, arms full of poster paper rolls piled high above his head. “I GOT THEM!! JUST ONE LOOK AT THESE AND I KNOW YOU’LL CHANGE YOUR MI—” One quick, misplaced step sent him tumbling down the stairs into a heap of bones and paper.  


  
“Papyrus!” Undyne ran to him and helped him up to his knees. “You okay?!” She tossed aside some of the posters, unfurling them in the process, revealing the multitude of colors and drawings inside. One of them caught her attention, so she grabbed it and studied it. It looked like a picture of her and Papyrus, their backs only in view as they seemed to float in a rainbow that swallowed the whole page. “What… what is this, Papyrus?” she asked.  


  
Papyrus was too busy to answer, scouring the hundreds of pages. “WHERE IS PAGE 1?? I KNOW IT’S HERE SOMEWHERE. BUT DON’T WORRY! I’LL FIND IT, AND ONCE I FIND IT, EVERYTHING WILL MAKE SENSE!!”  


  
She looked at a few more posters as he searched. One was a sketch of Papyrus in a crude version of a catapult, another was of him and her in colorful outfits akin to the ones she had seen humans wear in their history books. The largest one she saw was the most detailed of all of them. It was sticky with the thick crayons he used to draw with, stained with blotches of paint that made the dialogue bubbles above the characters’ heads hard to decipher, but it was clear what it was— her and Papyrus in full battle gear with determined grins and fire in their eyes throwing out bullet pattern after bullet pattern…  


  
… against _them_.  


  
She rolled the paper back up. She did not need to see more to know what he was trying to do. “Papyrus…”  


  
“WELL, THE FIRST PAGE ELUDES ME!” he interjected. “BUT THAT’S OKAY! I’LL JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU WITHOUT THE COOL VISUAL.” He leaned in close, his shoulders taut with excitement, ecstasy lacing his every word. “I’VE BEEN THINKING THAT WE SHOULD GET—!”  


  
“Revenge on the human…” she said, her gaze turned away from Papyrus.  


  
“*GASP*! SO IT’S BEEN ON YOUR MIND, TOO!!” Papyrus sprang to his feet and thumped a hand on his chest. “YES! REVENGE! IT’LL BE FIERY HOT! HOTTER THAN HOT! IT WILL BE PLASMATIC!!!” He looked at her with a mighty grin. “YOU’VE TOLD ME THAT THE HUMAN IS THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING YOUR FRIENDS DISAPPEAR! SO WHY NOT GET BACK AT THEM? SETTLE THE SCORE WITH A ROUSING BATTLE!! MANA A MANO!! FIERCE MONSTERS AGAINST DETERMINED HUMAN!! IT’LL BE A BATTLE FOR THE AGES!!!” His enthusiasm darkened a moment with a scratch of his skull. “OF COURSE, I HAVEN’T WORKED OUT HOW WE’LL GET THROUGH THE BARRIER JUST YET. BUT THAT’S OKAY!! BECAUSE WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT!! OUR HEARTS WILL BEAT AS ONE AND WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS!! YOU AND ME!!” He stamped his feet and extended his hand to her, his gusto sending a torrent of wind that stunned the bitter breeze into silence. “WHADDAYA SAY, UNDYNE?!?”  


  
Undyne had been still the entire time while Papyrus talked, crouched, seeming so small in that sea of paper. As he stood there panting, waiting for her response, she simply rose to her feet and walked to her duffle bag. Papyrus’ head followed her, his shoulders drooping. “UNDYNE…?”  


  
She slipped the bag on her shoulder, standing still another moment. She turned to face him, his shoulders drooping further at the sight of the look she gave him. She spoke, her voice without spirit. “Revenge won’t bring anybody back, Papyrus.”  


  
Papyrus fiddled with a thread on his glove, looking down at the floor below him. “MAYBE… NOT. BUT AT LEAST WE’D BE DOING—”  


  
“Revenge. WON’T. Bring ANYBODY back, Papyrus!” she hissed. “They’re GONE. Don’t you get that?? It doesn’t matter what we do! It doesn’t matter what happens to that human! It doesn’t matter! They killed people!! Innocent lives!! They k—!” She swallowed hard, turning her face away from Papyrus. When her voice returned, it cracked under the pressure of a flood of memories and Papyrus’ concerned expression. “… They made Asgore and Alphys disappear. For good!!” She looked down at her hands, curling her fingers. She sneered as they moved in unison. “And I’m still here as if my life still has purpose.”  


  
“BUT YOU DO HAVE PURPOSE, UNDYNE!” Papyrus exclaimed. “YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE—!"  


  
“My PURPOSE,” she retorted, “was to protect others! Was to protect those too weak to fight back! To carry everyone’s hopes and dreams! THAT was my purpose, and I didn’t do my DAMN JOB!!” Her duffle bag fell to the floor with a loud thunk, the floorboards creaking with her rising fury. “Like an IDIOT, I let myself become friends with that human! I knew what humans were like, yet I still became friends with _them_!!” That word shot out like acid from her mouth. “How could I do that?! How could I fall for that trap so willingly?! People got hurt because of my mistake!! I failed to protect them, and I failed to protect her…” Her head hung low. “… I shouldn’t even be allowed to take another breath.”  


  
The bitter wind reigned supreme once again. The door was closed but its presence chilled the stagnant air between them, making the small distance between them feel like miles.  


  
Papyrus broke the silence first, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “UNDYNE… I KNOW YOU DON’T MEAN THOSE WORDS. YOU’RE JUST ANGRY. BUT—”  


  
“I am angry, Papyrus.” Her voice was weaker now. “I’m angry and I’m tired. The only things I know I’m doing right.” She looked at him, her glare like ice. “So why aren’t you? Why do you keep living in this fantasy world? Why do you keep living as if something terrible _didn’t_ happen? As if people _didn’t_ go missing forever?? Like the world is just made of sunshine and rainbows?? Well, news flash, Papyrus. It isn’t. So wake. UP.” She grabbed her duffle bag and turned her back to him, her hand on the cold doorknob. “… Wake up. Before you get hurt, too.”  


  
Then she was gone, leaving Papyrus alone with the howling wind.  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
“ _I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DID, BUT…_ ”  


  
“ _CAN YOU PLEASE BRING BACK HER FRIENDS? IF YOU MADE THEM DISAPPEAR?_ ”  


  
“ _PLEASE…_ ”  


  
“ _UNDYNE’S NOT DOING VERY WELL._ ”  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this. I actually based it on the style of one of my favorite fanfiction authors, CourierNew. Their prose is leagues above mine, but I'm super happy that I finished and that the end product isn't half bad! If you haven't read any of their works yet and are a fan of Undertale-related stories, [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourierNew/pseuds/CourierNew). They are amazing!
> 
> Also, if you're interested, I'll be updating my profile in a bit, so check that out if you'd like!
> 
> Until next time!


End file.
